Wednesday, 21 October 2009

#1 Spare Shoelaces

Ah, the spare shoelace collection. *shivers*

The spare shoelace collection ranks as one of the most sinister things a human being can possess. No one ever replaces their shoelaces, obviously, but yet my father still insists on de-lacing any old pair of shoes he (or any other member of my extended family) throws out.

'Why are you doing that?'


'Keeping old shoelaces.'

'No reason.'

What could possibly happen that would require the spare laces? A request from the gerbil for materials to assist his auto-erotic experiments? As he suffocates himself on a tiny raisin? Or, perhaps, you wake up one morning to find that, in a fit of drunken malice, your former slip-on shoe salesman has broken into your house and stolen your shoelaces. You laugh the laugh of a man who has prepared for this eventuality. 'Ha! I was prepared for this all along! Where's the gerbil?'

Sinistery requires a partial blind-spot concerning what it is needed, as opposed to what is just, er, sinister. My father obviously doesn't need the spare shoelaces, and he knows this. He just likes them. Which is about as sinister as it gets.

Attic Rating: 7/10

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