#14 Transition lenses

Nobody doubts the utility of sunglasses, particularly on professional sportsmen, yachtsmen (on whom more later) and other professionals whose occupation might otherwise threaten their long-term vision. Nor would we, despite our constant cynicism, ever begrudge people corrective lenses: all of the contributors to this site have had had their vision blighted in some degree by years of video games, box sets of Deadwood and furious onanism. There is, however, something deeply and darkly sinister about those lenses which turn dark, as if by magic, when the wearer enters sunlight.

There are basically two issues: in the first instance they’re staggeringly, screamingly naff, so much so that one wonders what must be going through the wearer’s mind in lieu of the minimal self-awareness required to remove them. The second point is essentially sinister philosophy: as the world becomes brighter, the world of the transition lens-wearer becomes darker. The eyes are the window to the soul, and the wearer of the transition lens would rather his remained obfuscated.

Attic rating: 6