We at the ministry have a number of problems with photography. Not only is it a hobby, it is an invasive hobby, and one which permits you to store ‘private’ moments for posterity. Aside from whether or not these moments were yours to store, and the distance from which you recorded them, there are a number of different photographic techniques which might merit inclusion, not least of which is the most odious of all hues: sepia.
Sepia photography originally existed because it made photos last longer. The reason old photos are often in sepia is because of this. Note that at no point in this description does it say: sepia photography was invented so that people with half-grand digital cameras could push a button and instantly create something ‘timeless’. Men and women are equally guilty of this, modifying nights out in terrible night clubs to look like vignettes from the roaring twenties, as opposed to twenty-year old sluts, lashed of their faces in provincial town centres, or even worse, the shudderingly awkward sepia ‘couple shots’, where with a single mud-brown wash, doting youngsters can render their memories instantly more humiliating.
Attic rating: 6/10
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