#5 Wine Aerators

Like any aesthetic pursuit that attracts a large number of competitive, predominantly male devotees, the appreciation of wine is a mine rich in different sorts of sinistry. Particularly dubious, however, is the paraphernalia accumulated by these people in their pursuit of an alleged but largely unfounded improvement in taste. Decanters, electric corkscrews, precision fridges and oversized glasses are just some of the accoutrements available. As any readers who’ve had the misfortune to sit through a dinner with one of these individuals will be aware, it is possible to talk about any of these items for hours, often followed by an invitation to listen to a clavichord recording or stroke a new chinchilla jacket.

 

Among the worst, however, is surely the wine aerator. The word ‘aerator’ should instantly arouse suspicion, imbued as it is with a sense of quasi-organic mechanical mystery. This is a device placed over the oversized glass, and through which the wine is poured, slowly, to be mixed with ‘exactly the right amount of oxygen’, improving taste, volume and ‘bouquet’, the latter being one of the shadiest terms of appreciation this side of ‘moistness’. Wine is a delicious drink that makes you more attractive and sophisticated. A wine aerator is an Italian-designed, polished chrome status symbol of the deviant, and should be avoided at all costs.

 

Attic rating: 7/10